This is an update

This is an update, specifically because Esther is upset that I have not updated. I would like to inform you all that I am now a cowboy, and only cowboy accents and only phrases like "I'm here ta kill the man what killed mah paw" are acceptable. Such is the result of buying and watching 3:10 to Yuma. :)

icanhastechdethz?

Went to a sweet show tonight out in Victorville! All tech-death bands or wannabe tech death bands. Here is was the lineup and the analysis:

Venue: Karma in Victorville - Wow what a shithole. I'll bet this place was good at one point, but it was definitely not built for bands, at least not like these guys. The lights were on the whole time. And it was all one room. Meh. But I did like how few people were there, we got really close to the bands, and they came out after their performances to walk around and watch the other guys. I'd rather not go back there, but hell, all depends on the band, right?

-First Band: I don't know who they were. All I know is that they had no stage presence. They didn't announce themselves, they weren't hardly mixed, and they aren't worth talking about anymore.

-Second Band: Also don't know the name, but they were a little better. They would have been passably good if their FREAKIN DRUMMER has a sense of TIME. Man, the guy had some chops and whatnot, but he could NOT keep a steady tempo for his life. I was gonna kill the fool. Also, the lead singer looked straight up North European Metal, and he kept alternating between really low and really high screams, and it sounded kinda funny.

-Third Band: Suffokate - This group was a little more thrashy than technical, and because of it, the STUPID people in the audience were doing their little hardcore dancing. Which, if I'm perfectly honest, was completely hilarious. I did almost get kicked a few times, and I felt extremely gratified when they got kicked back. The drummer for this group looked absolutely exhausted the whole time, and I felt bad for the guy. Also, the lead singer had the most massive plugs I've EVER seen.

-Fourth Band: Arise Darkness? - I think that's their name, anyhow. There was the word Darkness in it, so I immediately assumed they wouldn't be very good (darkness is like the ultimate lame metal band title word). I had low expectations, so when the lead singing, who could NOT have been older than me, came out with a WAXED MUSTACHE that he must have been growing all tour, I just began to shake my head. Until they started playing! They were REALLY good, and I was quite impressed. And I felt kinship with the dude, cause of his goofy facial hair. One of the more redeeming qualities was that the band knew almost everyone in the audience, and he was definitely not taking himself too seriously. A goofy metal band is better than a serious one that still looks goofy.

-Fifth Band: Beneath the Massacre - BEST SHOW OF THE NIGHT. Man, I couldn't believe the stuff that they did on the stage. First off, they don't look anything like you might expect. They are like Canadian Bros, except nicer and funnier, and the singer had a sweet beard. And man....THE WEEDLIES! THE WEEDLIES! The guitars would go chugga chugga chugga WEEDLIE WEEDLIE WEEDLIE as they did some massive atonic diminished descending tap riff...it was quite something. I can't really put into words how much I enjoyed watching Beneath the Massacre.

-Sixth Band: Dying Fetus - I've seen Dying Fetus before, and I have to say, seeing them in such a tiny venue with so few people is WAY more awesome. I was probably 7 feet from their guitar player, and watching him to full neck sweeps WITH TAPS and then doing it again while screaming is totally insane. Not only that, but it seemed this time, maybe because I was paying more attention, that their stuff was much more headbang-able. Very fun.

-Seventh Band: The Faceless - By this time, my knees and feet were killing me, seeing as we had been on our feet for literally 5.5 hours watching metal. We ended up only staying for three The Faceless songs, and I wish I hadn't been so tired because they were really playing a good show. I loved how they were able to alternate between ridiculous Tech Death, and then tasteful, melodic solos. Quite fantastic!

Other Notable Aspects:

-Hot Chicks: There was a definitive lack of female presence at this show. There was one girl who was wearing this ridiculously short skirt that made her look like a skank. Also, no cute chicks with facial piercings. Sad day. Not that a Dying Fetus show is the optimum place for picking up chicks, nor am I looking. But it's always fun to see attractive people.

-Hardcore Dancers: Are Hilarious. I mean, I can't stand that they take up the whole floor for themselves, and literally look an anime character having a sissy fight, but holy smokes, they think they are THE SHIT and they look so stupid. I spent so much time laughing at them, and then laughing when really big dudes kicked them, because they kept kicking small people.

-Mosh Pit: The best part of the pit tonight was at the end of the Dying Fetus show, people started getting crazy. But of course, everyone was tired. So this one dude picked up his friend and spun him around in a circle, which was pretty funny. And then one guy fell, so everyone helped him up, but they did it REALLY ANGRILY like they were still moshing. BUT the best part was when this REALLY drunk fat dude ran into the pit and everyone started slow motion moshing! And the fat dude was playing doublebass on his big ole belly. I was laughing so hard I was crying.

-The Band: I got to meet the guitarist for Beneath the Massacre! Or at least ask him a question. There's only one guitar player in the band, and during the descending WEEDLIEs, there was a guitar harmony, so I wanted to know if he used a pedal to do the harmonies, or if the bass player perhaps had guitar strings on the top two strings to get the harmony. It turns out he uses a pedal to do fifths or fourths over his WEEDLIEs, and the bass does other harmonies as well. That was pretty cool.

Overall? Good experience. Worth the 18 bucks for tickets + willcall, and 9 bucks for gas. Definitely.