Here are some thoughts I had tonight concerning truth and whether it exists, whether it is important, and whether it is universal.
If a kid is asked a math question, 4 x 4, and he answers 16 because the smart kid next to him said the answer, is it true? It's obviously correct: but is it the true answer?
If I don't know motive behind my actions, are they true? They may still be accurate or effective, but are they true? I know that when I see my friend, I run up and give them a huge hug, possibly embarrassing them or cracking their back. This appears to be, and is, affection and love. Is it still love if my motive is to borrow money or to make myself feel good?
Is truth determined by the giver or the recipient? If I get kissed, and I believe it, it is love to me. And it's true until proven otherwise. But if I get kissed and the giver is lying, is it still true? (Don't worry chels, not talking about you, just an example).
I think paul talks a little about this. He says it doesn't matter that people are spreading christianity to get him into jail or into more trouble, because it's effective. But where is the truth? And why does the lack of truth (if it is indeed that) bother me so much?
I'm always asking the question why. I want to analyze everything down it's core, I guess so I can replicate it again. But someone asked me the question, why do I keep asking why?
Why do I need to know why things are the way they are? If the effect is obvious and positive, is it any less true if the motive isn't correct? I don't want to know what you are doing, I want to know what you are thinking.
I almost secretly don't want to know why. If I'm kissed, and I believe it's true, whether or not it is, I feel fulfilled. But if I ask why and it wasn't true, then I feel deceived. If I didn't ask the question, was it true? Did I make it false by asking for verification?
Love is dangerous like that. In a sense, no love is "true love" because true love is perfect, and perfect love can only come from a perfect being. But in another sense, any love that is believed is true love, because until it's proven wrong or untrue, the recipient believes it.
Do I want to be the person who assumes all love to be true? If I accept love without asking why, or anything without asking why, I risk naivety, and in the process, heartbreak, because while some love is true, not all of it is. However, if I question everything, I run an even greater risk of skepticism, and in the process, a hardened heart. While no love save gods may be perfect, some love is still true and work the risk.
Where is the medium of questioning and acceptance? As I grow older and question more, I realize that I know less than ever before. I can never possess enough knowledge to be sure of anything, because knowledge only creates more questions, so any concrete sureness will have to come from faith, whether it be faith in a god or faith in the lack of a god.
I wonder...was man created to ask questions or to accept answers? In an Eden, the answers to questions would be readily available, and dishonestly or lies wouldn't even be a factor. In that sense, asking questions and having natural curiosity would grow boring, as every question would have an answer with no effort. In addition, questioning seems so natural to me. My personality dictates that everything my senses intake, I question. And a final supplement, when I ask a question like this, whether truth is concrete or in the eye of the recipient, it feels like something has clouded the answer. It feels natural that truth should be universal, not something that has to be taken as subjective depending on the situation. What is the unknown variable here that is skewing my otherwise perfect equation?
I mean, my first inclination is to say that sin is the unknown variable. If we hadn't messed up in the first place, all this would make sense, right? But that doesn't seem right; a naturally curious creature like myself would never be satisfied with an answer that presented itself so easily. While I can't imagine what a world without sin would be like (indeed, much to my disgust, it's so much a part of me now that I can't imagine myself without it), I don't think a perfect god would create beings that were mere cows. If he wanted mindless followers, he wouldn't have had the problem of a human revolt in the first place.
Finding the difference between blind faith and hardened skepticism is going to be a lifelong process for me I think. I naturally will always want to bring everything into question, which is good I think, but at the same time, I can't let my questions interfere with my belief in god himself. I've been through that valley once already and it isn't fun. If there is nobody to ask the questions to, then I am left by myself, and that is miserable.
My desire then: to ask the hard questions without doubting the existence of the god who has shown himself to me already.
Also
Mom and dad, I love you. :)
1 comment:
First off, and most importantly, I love you too! Thanks so much for including me in this journey you've been on. It's been a blessing to watch and see you wrestle through things for yourself.
One thought; One definition of "knowledge" is that what counts as real knoweldge is "warranted true belief." In your example of 4x4, the student has a true belief but one that isn't warranted (that is believed for good, justifiable reasons). One could just as easly believe that 4x4 is 16 because one hallucinated that a space alien gave the answer. The belief is still true but not warranted. It's good to have true beliefs, but when our beliefs are not warranted ,we have no means to separate our true belief from our false ones. Thus from this perspective ,the boy's knowledge of 4x4 = 16 is not real knowledge because it's not properly warranted. I've expressed this in a very rudimentary way; i'm sure my philosophy friends could express it in a much clearer and nuanced way. But that's the gist of it i think.
You seem to have been wrestling with your belief in god, wondering if it (and many other beliefs in your life) are properly warranted. You are asking questions, knowing that how you ask the question is as important as the answers you arrive at. From my perspective this is you sifting through what you have been given by your parents, your church, your leaders, your education, etc., trying to settle for yourself what is warranted and what is not. You do not seem settled or satisfied believing something to be true if it is not also warranted in a way that you can be confident in and feel good about.
I'm glad you have settled in a place you are comfortable with. My guess is that this is not the last crisis of belief you will experience, but it sounds like things are making sense to you for now, and that is cause for celebration. It is a journey, as we all know. Thanks again for sharing this part of yourself with me.
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