No More Church.

Mel Gibson said in the last supper scene of Signs “I’m not wasting another minute of my life on prayer.” Well I’m not wasting another minute of my life on church.

There are things to be done, and I’m not doing them. There are people to be loved, and a god to be seen, and it’s not a church anymore, if it ever was. So I’m done wasting my time there.

I don’t think church has anything at all to do with god. I mean, it has something to do with god in the sense that golfing or tying your shoes has something to do with god – everything a christian person does is supposed to be based around god. But church…church is about community, it’s about learning by giving, and getting over yourself. Since when does god need church? Focusing on god at church is an excuse to avoid getting our hands dirty.

I am sick and freaking tired of not getting my hands dirty. I’m so furious that I could cry, that I have been wasting my life at church, because those are hours that were supposed to be about you that I made about me. Where is god in self centeredness? It’s such an EXCUSE to go to church on sunday and sing to god. No more singing! No more talking about the god that loves and saves and does all this awesome stuff. No more pretending that it’s god’s job to love the outcasts! No, I am SO finished with excuses. I’m tired of no action.

You know what else I’m tired of? Hypocrisy. And I’m tired of deceitfulness. Oh yeah, I’m really tired of that one. I’m tired of church trying to elicit certain emotions from me, because I’m apparently not able to reach the same conclusion as them on my own. I’m so fed up with the LIE that church is an act with other christian people. I am so tired of the western christian ideology!

I don’t want any more announcements. No more causes or offering boxes, and especially no more routine. I’m tired of a building, I’m tired of worship bands and powerpoint presentations with the words to popular songs. If I hear another clever sermon, my head might explode. I am not interested in a god who works through lectures and notes, because I know the lecture and note god, and he hasn’t done it for me.

I am afraid if I denounce chuch, that I’ll be disobeying god. He says to meet in a community and do church. What if I’m wrong, and this is the way things are supposed to be, at least relatively, and I’m just spinning my wheels? Well in that case, fuck christianity. I’m not wasting one more minute of my life on prayer to the god of lectures and regurgitated plastic religion.

I know my god isn’t one who lives in a house. He isn’t a person who will take excuses, and I’ll bet he’s as fed up with church as I am. I can picture god screaming out during worship, “STOP! Stop, look around you, stop using me as a distraction, and look at the pain and suffering that you can alleviate around you!”

It’s lent time. I gave up the internet in recreational use, and now it’s time to fill that time with something else. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it, or where its gonna be, or what it’s gonna look like, but I can assure you, it’s going to be damn different. I CANNOT GO BACK to church knowing that if I do, it will be an excuse to stay at home and hide.

I’m so, so tired of hiding from god in the church.