Dr Seusspeare

Hey guys,

I had a project for my Shakespeare class to translate a scene from William Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew" into some sort of vernacular dialect. I chose to turn it into Dr Seuss language. I've included the original text from the play as well - it's funnier if you understand that one first. :)


PETRUCHIO:
I will attend her here,
And woo her with some spirit when she comes.
Say that she rail; why then I'll tell her plain
She sings as sweetly as a nightingale:
Say that she frown, I'll say she looks as clear
As morning roses newly wash'd with dew:
Say she be mute and will not speak a word;
Then I'll commend her volubility,
And say she uttereth piercing eloquence:
If she do bid me pack, I'll give her thanks,
As though she bid me stay by her a week:
If she deny to wed, I'll crave the day
When I shall ask the banns and when be married.
But here she comes; and now, Petruchio, speak.

Enter KATHARINA

Good morrow, Kate; for that's your name, I hear.

KATHARINA:
Well have you heard, but something hard of hearing:
They call me Katharina that do talk of me.

PETRUCHIO:
You lie, in faith; for you are call'd plain Kate,
And bonny Kate and sometimes Kate the curst;
But Kate, the prettiest Kate in Christendom
Kate of Kate Hall, my super-dainty Kate,
For dainties are all Kates, and therefore, Kate,
Take this of me, Kate of my consolation;
Hearing thy mildness praised in every town,
Thy virtues spoke of, and thy beauty sounded,
Yet not so deeply as to thee belongs,
Myself am moved to woo thee for my wife.

KATHARINA
Moved! in good time: let him that moved you hither
Remove you hence: I knew you at the first
You were a moveable.

PETRUCHIO
Why, what's a moveable?

KATHARINA
A join'd-stool.

PETRUCHIO
Thou hast hit it: come, sit on me.

KATHARINA
Asses are made to bear, and so are you.

PETRUCHIO
Women are made to bear, and so are you.

KATHARINA
No such jade as you, if me you mean.

PETRUCHIO
Alas! good Kate, I will not burden thee;
For, knowing thee to be but young and light--

KATHARINA
Too light for such a swain as you to catch;
And yet as heavy as my weight should be.

PETRUCHIO
Should be! should--buzz!

KATHARINA
Well ta'en, and like a buzzard.

PETRUCHIO
O slow-wing'd turtle! shall a buzzard take thee?

KATHARINA
Ay, for a turtle, as he takes a buzzard.

PETRUCHIO
Come, come, you wasp; i' faith, you are too angry.

KATHARINA
If I be waspish, best beware my sting.

PETRUCHIO
My remedy is then, to pluck it out.

KATHARINA
Ay, if the fool could find it where it lies,

PETRUCHIO
Who knows not where a wasp does
wear his sting? In his tail.

KATHARINA
In his tongue.

PETRUCHIO
Whose tongue?

KATHARINA
Yours, if you talk of tales: and so farewell.

PETRUCHIO
What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again,
Good Kate; I am a gentleman!



That's the original. Here is the Dr Seuss Rendition!

Petruchio:

I said:

“Yes then, send good Kate to me

I will not hide up in a tree.

How can I make missus Katie my Queen?

Oh! I know how! I know just the thing.

If she does talks the talkiest of all

I’ll say her voice sings like Snorgle Dove Call

And if she is sad, then I will not wince,

I’ll say she is wiser than Mount Gruffaluff’s Prince.

And if she is quiet, then I will smile!

And show my teeth like a cramococolodile.

And if she says, ‘go sir, just go, go, go, go!’

And after I ask her, again she says no,

Then still I will stay! And still I will speak

As if she had asked me to stay one more week.

And as for our wedding, if she says ‘no sir,’

Then still I will stay! And get married to her.

Oh my! Here she comes. Oh, what will I say?

Good afternoon Kate! How is your day?”

Katharina:

“Do I know you, good sir?” asked Kate, and then added more:

“They call me Katharina who’ve not met be before.”

Petruchio:

“You look like miss Kate,” I said with a smile.

“Not plain Kate or mean Kate, or Kate who is wild,

Not catty Kate, crazy Kate, or Kate who will wail,

Just Kate who’s as pretty as a ploogerbird’s tail.

Kate who I’ve heard of for much of my life,

Miss Kate, whose good goodness I want as my wife.”

Katharina:

Kate’s cheeks turned bright red, and she turned as she said

“I’m going to bed, I don’t want to be wed.

“So please go away.” And that’s all that she said.

Petruchio:

So I replied, “Kate, I’m sure you will see

If you take just one moment, and sit on my knee…”

Katharina:

“No!” cut in Kate, “I’ll not sit on your knee!

You are not a donkey, but a person like me,”

Petruchio:

“Are you then a donkey if I sit on your knee?”

Katharina:

“Yes,” she replied, “And I’d rather not be”

Petruchio:

“Ok then, miss Kate, then I’ll not burden thee.”

Katharina:

“Well I would hope not, sir, for that would be rude!”

Petruchio:

So I turned and retorted as best as I could

“My Kate, you are grumpy, and much like a Yurtle”

Katharina:

“How dare you say I’m like that terrible turtle!

Why, all of the Whos down in Whoville can see

It’s you who is being a Yurtle, not me!

And a floogy-flopped buzzard, and your tongue like a bee

For trying to get me to sit on your knee.”

Petruchio:

I was confused now, and not having fun

“But Kate, a bee’s stinger is not in its tongue!

It stings with its tail, and my tongue is not there”

Katharina:

“But your tongue’s in my tail!” and she plopped on a chair.

And all at once, turned to a bright cherry red

When she realized the thing that to me she’d just said.

Petruchio:

So I said, “Kate, how soon do you think we can wed?”

She replied, “trust me, I’d rather be dead”

With a turn of her head, she headed for bed

And bid me goodnight, and that’s all that she said






Hopefully, the King of Children's Books would be proud.


~wes~