Thus ends a chapter of my life that began over a year and two months ago.
The worst part? Thinking that this just isn't right. Knowing that the relationship isn't ending because people aren't in love, or because we don't want it to work, but that we just clash in ways that as the people we are now, we cannot work around. Thinking that in our relationship, we have more than most people have in their marriages, and knowing that it isn't enough. And most of all, the worry that tomorrow will bring wisdom that could have saved us.
That's what convinces us as people to endure. The promise of something different tomorrow. But what about when tomorrow is too far away? Chelsea and I could no longer wait until tomorrow to gain the wisdom to mature our relationship further. In fact, we may already possess that wisdom; I'm sure she does. Rather, I do not possess the fortitude of spirit to put into action that wisdom I have been handed over and over again.
So I am left, as expected, with a broken heart. I can only hope that the friends I have surrounding me can be a strong enough deadline to help me endure. I trust that my hindsight bias in the future will make me feel like a fool for not seeing the good in this, and I trust that the god that I inevitably end up believing in has my best interest in mind. I pray for strength and the willingness to grieve, the resistance against the pain of heartache.
But I still can't take her pictures down off my wall.
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1 comment:
Praying with you.
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