I hate you jesus

I hate you jesus.

I hate you god.

I hate you holy spirit

I hate you trinity

I hate you church

I hate you "merciful father"

I hate you genesis

I hate you bible

I hate you gospel

I hate you worship

I hate you church

I hate you preachers

I hate you christians

I hate you catholics

I hate you western judeo-christian belief system



What does god represent to me? He represents the failure to save my family. He represents the willingness to watch my mother and father and brothers and self hurt and do nothing. He represents the church that has cast me out like a leper. He represents the social atrocities that he refuses to take responsibility for. He represents the death my dating relationship with the girl I love. He represents gossip, dishonesty, judgment, and christianity. He represents the isolation that I feel every day from everything, because of whatever it is that distances me from whatever. He represents destruction, violence, rape and murder, but does so through deception like grace, mercy, and love. He represents how it is illegal on campus for a boy to hold the hand of another boy. He represents the shock and disgust people would show if I violated the cross. He represents mass produced pop music, self help magazines, fucked up and unequal relationships, pressure to attain perfection, nationalism, centuries of lies, unfair grading, nauseating clichés, and most of all, hatred.

I feel bottled up, and with nowhere to release. The desert that is this place offers me no relief, and despite the community, I am alone. And who else to blame but jesus, the motivation for the wrongs done.

The crusades, the witch burnings, and the inquisition were child's play compared to the psychological and spiritual warfare that god is participating in now.

God is narcissism, the desperate need to know that despite what everything else suggests, the world does indeed revolve around us.

God is hunger to get what we want without the moral dilemmas that follow.

God is fear that we don't count, that another person may very well be as important as us.

God is the church that we see and participate in every day, because John Wesley, my namesake, says that tradition is essential to knowing god.

God is selfishness through inspiration to participate in something extraordinary, and as a result, not be forgotten, and to live forever.

God is greed to get what we want without having to say so.

God is pride that we are better than everyone else.


And ultimately, god is nothing more than the church. Because all we can know is the church. God is the institution of religion, the occultist gathering of devotees once a week to channel positive energy through Chris Tomlin and Phil Wickam in hopes that, maybe, if we do it right THIS time, we can stimulate a neural pathway leading to a memory of an emotion we felt and as a result release ample amounts of serotonin in our brains to label it a "spiritual experience" and credit it to god. God is the "Word," a collection of improbable texts from various writers that claim promises that never have been redeemed.


God is experience.

Therefore, I hate god.

Stick that if your goddam pipe and smoke it.




"Slowly she makes her way to the front steps and says, 'You have to realize something, Ed.' ... Carefully now, her statement comes out. 'Believe it or not - it takes a lot of love to hate you like this.' "

- i am the messenger