Saturday

I had no idea how much today would suck.

Basically, my to-do list for the day is:

• Drewry's Linguistics Term Paper
  
• Study for Brit Lit
• Finish Brit Lit Extra Credit
• Final Presentation for Ivanov
• Begin Studying for Drewry Midterm
• Clean the mod

So that's what I've got to do. Small problem: for some reason, in the past two months, I have fallen very comfortably into a routine that, when broken, causes unexpected amounts of stress and discomfort. My saturday, for two months, has been almost exclusively spent with Esther, hanging around and doing nothing. In addition, I'm also very comfortable with the routine of being able to talk with her online at almost any time when I'm on the computer, and today, she is traveling to Zzyzx (which is a real town), which means no communication either.

The combination of mental discomfort via finals and final papers long procrastinated, and emotional discomfort via an absent Esther puts me in quite an unsatisfied mood.

Essentially, what am I saying? Essentially, I am bitching. I'm complaining that I don't get to talk to Esther today, but I'm trying to do it in a rational and mature manner. Of course, there is often nothing rational about emotions, and so I can hardly hope to rationalize something that lacks traditional logic. I don't want to rationalize such emotions, as their validity is linked directly with their existence. However, approaching such feelings in a hopefully level enough emotional state can allow me to understand where they derive from and perhaps lead to understanding of why they are there. Right? I hope so.

God, this would be so much easier if I had FUN stuff to do today, but no, I'm sitting at my computer writing about American Evangelical Dialectal contradictions with the American Evangelical statement of purpose.

Can I just learn to value these feelings as they are? An ache that means I love someone, and an ache that means I want them to come back; it might not always be this way. I'm glad I'm capable of feeling these feelings. The hope that they'll be back soon (soon enough, in fact, that it makes my bitching stupid), and anticipation of meeting up once again.

Bleh. Bottom line? Miss you, es.

~wes~