The more I fuck up everything I have, the more I believe Jacques Derrida. Not necessary that whole there is no ultimate center bit, but definitely Bricolage. We do what we can with the tools we have, knowing that tomorrow, the tools may be completely different. Such is the state of human existence. If it wasn't for this, I might have stopped trying to live a long time ago. I suppose therein lies the appeal of ultimate grace. Forgiveness for fucking everything up, over and over again, endlessly. A constant cycle of failure. Atheists say there is no failure because there was no success. Sartre says how can we fail to live up to our purpose if we create our own purpose. Funny how I can still fuck up good things.

Maybe there is a bit of christian left in me yet. Oh well. Bricolage. Shit happens. One day at a time.