Rape Culture

The irony is that rape culture, as is touted by furious feminists netwide at the moment, is incredibly unfair to everyone.

It's unfair to people who haven't been raped - because it teaches, not to eliminate rape, but avoid it and leave it for someone else.

It's unfair to people who have been raped - because it teaches victim blame.  Repulsive.  There are no other words for that.  Don't do it.

It's unfair to people who haven't raped anyone - because it creates an unfair fear in people of (almost exclusively) men who have done nothing to provoke the fear.

Here's the weird one:

It's unfair to rapists - because it teaches that you are inhuman, incapable of self-control, and unchangeable.  That's not cool either.  You're a person.



You see, I think the defenders of rape culture - the victim blamers, mostly - are reacting out of fear.  This is because, if a victim blamer recognizes rape as the complete responsibility of the rapist, it forces him or her to also recognize the dichotomy of their characterization of the rapist.

If rape is the fault solely of the rapist, it is an unacceptable event.  In our black-and-white, justice-craving minds, it's the equivalent of murdering an innocent.  But if the victim "deserves" the act (god, I feel nasty just typing that), then it is excusable in the same manner that Liam Neeson killing dozens of terrorists is acceptable.  After all, they deserved it.  So naturally, the scared mind defaults to victim blame, so as to not have to face the fact that rape is really fucked up.

There's more to it, though.

Rapist: you are a person.  Not a horrible monster.  You may have done horribly monstrous things.   We all do monstrous things.  They are not excusable.  You need to be held accountable, particularly when those monstrous things hurt others.  But you aren't a monster.  Statistically, you're not even a deviant.  How crazy is that. 



I am more likely to feel identity with the rapist than I am the victim.  I've never been raped.  I was raised in that very rape culture that told me all men think about is sex and no man can control himself if she is "asking for it" (again, vomiting in my mouth).  Dear rapist: I know you.  I understand you.  According to rape culture, we're the same person.

And I get it, too.  Power is sexy.  I've read a lot of statistics stating that rape fantasy is one of the most common sexual fetishes, both for men and women.  BDSM has an entire world of healthy, erotic sex centered around consensual non-consent.  I'm not surprised in the slightest that rape happens, because sex is about power, and complete power exchange can be really, really hot.

But non-consensual power exchange is scarring, in all situations, for all parties involved.  That's why a person may never drive their motorcycle again, long after the wounds have healed, and that's why a rapist, repulsed by his behavior, is so goddamn likely to do it again.  True power, and true powerlessness, are poison. 




Stop being afraid.  Want to end rape culture?  Recognize the power that power has.  Don't contribute to the cowardice that is victim blaming - that's a red herring from the real problem.  The real problem exists at a much deeper level, because both the victims and rapists are your brothers and sisters.  These aren't deviants and sociopaths exclusively.  Some of them are loving fathers or sad coworkers.  And to blame the victim - to blame these terrible, awful decisions on someone who had no choice, by definition - is to not only attack and scar the victim, who has already been so hurt, but also is to turn the rapist into an enigma instead of a person.  An enigma has neither responsibility nor potential for forgiveness or change.  You condemn a rapist to be a rapist forever.